Preface

Simon Behling, the one who actually wrote the book, was joined by his cousin, Jacob Sullivan, in playing a game in the pool, which involved two characters, known as Sirson2 and Eoe, going on an epic adventure through space. The story has yet to be completed, as Covid-19 came upon us, disallowing visitation from many relatives, such as Jacob. בעזרת השם, we shall continue the game (and thus the story)!

A Note on the Text

Gramatical errors, perhaps some intentional, have became "features", such as including a comma after a quotation-mark instead of before. Do not learn from the grammar used here. Also, please excuse the lack of paragraph-separations (I do not yet have the motivation to add them), and try to read through this giant wall of text regardless.

THE GRAND ADVENTURES OF SIRSON2 & EOE

An uncompleted tale of two intergalactic friends, one autistic, the other a thief, alongside a shirt, three pool-noodles, and temporarily a chicken.

Created by Jacob Sullivan & Simon Behling

CHAPTER 1: A New Friend at Last!:
Sirson2, also known as Sirson the Second, is an interstellar-vehicle repair man who happens to be the son of Sirson, the dead friend of O, the now infamous Ingest-er (aptly named, as he ingests people, such as Sir PooButt, once the richest Merozite centrist politician). Sirson2 was born in the eastern hemisphere of the planet known as "Felgatar", which translates roughly to, in the ancient Felgatarian language of the Helmsaters, "Place of Peace" (though it was not very peaceful in modern times, commonly hosting wars in the name of exquisite foreign policy, at the expense of their own nation's well-being). This planet is located in the north-western area in the galaxy. One day Sirson2 was extremely bored as he usually was on the week-starts (which in his culture are the rest-days) and found his boring urban home to be extra dull on this day. His home is an extremely uninteresting apartment, apartment 204 in the Mondotaro complex. He almost never used his personal spaceship and found that he should go joyriding in space, still not expecting much interesting as he makes many trips to space during the week when testing customer's vehicles. He went to the parking garage, brought his surprisingly not stolen spaceship out front, and began flying, soon to be in space. It was still very boring even in space as he expected. An infamous blue guy, known as "Blue Guy", unsurreptitiously intruded into Sirson2's ship, & sprinkled liquid on his ship's computer interface, which caused the far too computer-reliant ship to thrust at full-speed in the tauwth, (which means down, and thus does anti-tauwth mean up) north, & east direction. Blue Guy thus escaped alongside Sirson2, right before the computer made very odd noises, and the ship detonated. And due to the immensity and yet emptiness out in space, it took exactly 3 hours, 45 minutes, 28 seconds, and 896 milliseconds for anybody to arrive near Sirson2. It was Mr. Noletin (pronounced "no let in"). He, as his name implied, did not let Sirson2 in. He left, in quite the hurry, & thus Sirson2 waited for another 9 minutes and 23 seconds, and Deene Direne came upon him. This is what he said: "Deene dirine. Reene deene erine. Deene reene erine." Deene, erine, direne, and reene were the only words which he could say. In such desperation and misery, Sirson2 attempted to enter Deene's vehicle. He was expectedly not let in. He left. "F*ck, F*CK!", said Sirson2. Now something which has been said regarding Deene was that he was the "Dean of the school, Direne", which was among many other stupid, yet immemorial phrases. Anyway, Deene was quite the common traveler 'round these parts, however, he is being savagely hunted by the "Wickedness Police", about whom yet another stupid, and yet immemorial phrase was spawned: "They're wickedness, & police!" (instead of the intended idea that they are policing wickedness). No-one has ever laughed at that since the long gone times of the "revolutionary war of Justic". Even then, the only reason for which anyone could ever enjoy or laugh at that "joke" was that they loathed the police to such a degree that they found amusing any and all material which mocked them, no matter how mundane and uncreative. Fortunately, heir revolutionary war was successful, spawning a somewhat new nation, Justic, whilst their previous police now only patrol other less fortunate people. Anyway, you may have noticed that Sirson2 is a hitch-hiker, in space, in a a galaxy (get it?). So, as Deene left, Sirson2 pondered, now leaving this immortal quote: "F*ck, f*cking sh!t!" You may notice that he is not quite a wordsmith of profanity, using mostly only the same two profane terms. Anyway, the area which Sirson2 was in was getting very busy, it being rush-hour. The next joyrider worth mention was the other fellow in the book title, Eoe. He was a hipster who always is exploring cool places, & steal— I mean collecting money, in said places. He is quite fond of stealing things, and with all these features among others, some might say he's morally questionable. So, only ten seconds after Deene left, Eoe came near. Sirson2 held out his thumb. Eoe said, "Oh hi... Uhh, what do you want?" "I've been out in space for hours." "Get in." "Thank you so-" "No problem." "Yes." Sirson2 was very, very awkward, and bad (very bad indeed) at meeting people. Eoe then said, "What's your name?" "Sirson the Second... Just call me Sirson2." "Okay. I'm Eoe. Where do you want to go?" "I'll just go where you're going... Are we friends?" "Okay." Sirson2, in finally obtaining his third ever friend alongside his other two that he has not seen in about three years (they had to go on a grand adventure and Sirson2 did not want to go broke from taxes diminishing his money over a long while), exclaimed, "Yay!", but then, in seeing how that was not the impression he wanted to give, quickly attempted to seem cool by making it seem like a joke. It was not. During this conversation, their ship entered the orbit of a planet known as Doodoo, which is not named after feces in their language, and is usually spelled Dudu, which is roughly 30 times the size of Sirson2's planet, which he was now worrying about not seeing ever again. They were on the currently dark side of the planet. Anyway, Eoe then told Sirson2 to "meet Green Guy. Call him Greenie." Greenie is a green pool noodle-esque individual, who seems to have many scars, most likely originating from war. Sirson2, now in great amazement at Greenie's resemblance to Blue Guy, questioned Eoe, "So, Green G- Greenie, do you know any, uhh, Blue Guy? Well-" Eoe then stated to aid Sirson2's meeting with Greenie, "Greenie can't talk." he continued: "But yes, Blue Guy is wicked. He is not related to Greenie. They are of the same species, however. How do you know Blue Guy? He's a horrible criminal." Sirson2 excitedly said, "He broke my ship. Curses I wish upon him! Oh! By the way, I'm an interstellar-vehicle repair-man! Is this a 5772 ship?" Impressed, Eoe said, "Wow! Correct! Well done." "Well, I'm glad that-" "Shut up", Eoe said, looking scared and concerned. A brown leaf floated by their ship... It came nearer.. Eoe pulled Sirson2 down to the ship's floor, and shut down its lid. Sirson2 was now pulled even further down, into the basement of the ship. Our two protagonists now heard somewhat faintly, a horn, as if from a police car... Eoe hopped back up, and immediately started the ship, and began heading South-east (and very slightly tauwth). They, as you might assume, went at full speed away from whatever it was that was after them. It was indeed a police ship. Sirson2, now panicking, asked, "What the... the f*ck is happening!?!" He began to cry. Eoe responded, "Hold on... We gotta get away from these motherf*ckin' leaves!" "What??! WHAT!?!", Sirson2 exclaimed, nearly fainting. "These G-- damn motherf*ckers, these leaves, are out to get me!", Responded Eoe. Sirson2, shivering, said, "Why?!?" "I stole from them. Those are the Leaf Police..." "I shall have you know, I am moderately Jewish, and believe that G-d shall have you pay for that..." "I'm not THAT stupid! I'm also a Jew. G-d isn't here, in this galaxy" (Sirson2 had spent a year in "pre-yeshivah" instead of preschool, and Eoe was an utter heretic) "Oh yes he-" "Okay! They're shooting at us! I'll tell you when to duck. DUCK!" A very terrifying, transparent, large, and white ray was emitted from the "Leaf Police Team 213" ship before them. At this point, the ship did not seem quite so vigorous anymore, and was making odd noises. It began slowing down. "The ship is losing fuel! This F*CKING SH!T!!!" This now prompted Sirson2 to say, "F*ck SH!T!!" He said it again. The ship slowed down even more. The vibe was somehow getting even worse; it was cold, dark, smelled musty, was quiet, and the only remnant of a spiritual 6th sense within them was noticing something awful. Both protagonists were in panic as the leaf police continued their patrol, despite this area not being within their jurisdiction. "DUCK!!!", Eoe shouted. Quite a loud noise was conjured by the blast, which was barely visible, being a transparent white. "O sh!t f*ck!", Sirson2 said, now screaming mere random and unintelligent profanity. "Sh!t, this is bad...", Eoe said quietly, yet also to Sirson2. Suddenly, a mundane vehicle drove half way past, then, after seeing the police, reversed and went back. The car had a license plate saying "æley". She was a hipster, whose name was Ashley. The "æ" is called Ash, thus explaining her license plate. Anyway, Sirson2 said, "You know, I-" Eoe cut him off, saying, "Wait, quiet... Okay..." "Alright, so I only have four friends at the moment." "Bruh." "Yes. They are Jonboy, Butterick Boy, you, and Greenie..." "Bruuuuuh" "Ye-" Another loud blast was emitted from the Leaf Police Ship. Fortunately, they avoided it, yet barely. Now Sirson2 was in great despair at the current situation, despite his belief in G-d. His animal instincts overpowered his thoughts, causing him to forget the mitza of remembering G-d, and being fearless in battle. He was quite poor in controlling his animal instincts in such difficult times. Eoe then stated something that scared Sirson2 even more, "Get out." Eoe elaborated by saying "We need to get coldness from the outside of the ship into the ship. This will power the ship..." For exactly 7.983429 seconds, Sirson2 refused. Then, finally, he agreed, and said while sighing "Fine. F*ck." He began to pop up cowardly and with too much caution occasionally, bringing coldness to the ship. Eoe scared Sirson2 again by saying, "It's colder over there.", pointing to an area behind the Leaf Police ship. Sirson2 said, now fully crying, "N- Alright. F*ck."
CHAPTER 2: Good and Bad Vibes:
"Whelp", continued Sirson2, quite reluctantly bringing his right leg out of the ship, into the epic, black starry void. He fully stumbled out. They could swim in outer space like it was water, and did not have to breathe. Sirson2 dodged another blast from the Leaf Police. Eoe then said, "Come.. DUCK! Okay. Come with me." They went on, slowly, and ducking when needed. The Leaf Police could not aim their weapon at them while they were behind the ship, so they obtained the coldness. They dashed back, again occasionally stopping to duck. The leaf police were at this point merely shooting blasts aimlessly as they were significantly underpaid and somewhat tired. Eoe screamed "DUCK!", while they were turning on the ship again. Finally, the side of the planet they were orbiting exited night and entered dawn, Sirson2 praying to Hashem while light shone onto his back. Now he was crying of happiness, and not of despair. Right after, Eoe closed the ship's lid, and they began moving away from the Leaf Police. Finally, with a decent amount of sunlight on them, the vibe became very whimsical and happy. Sirson2, though barely Torah-"observant", began trying to remember the first line of the Shema. Sirson2 felt the divine presence rest upon him whilst they speedily escaped their foes. They were just heading in a random direction, but then Eoe utilized the ship's computer to locate the next location to which they should travel. The first entry on the computer's list of next possible locations was simply called "???". To ??? they went! Fortunately, this location was in the same very general direction they were going, still off by 29 degrees. The leaf police retreated, knowing that they were going too far out of their jurisdiction, and fearing retribution from the area's actual police. Sirson2 asked what ??? is. "I dunno", Eoe responded. "Where are you from?", Sirson2 asked. "Oh, soon, my child, you shall know." "Bruh." After some more conversing through several minutes, their ship landed on the surface of ???. They scrambled onto the surface. ??? was a very dark place, ash filling the sky. The only sounds they heard were from themselves and from the delightful and yet spooky ambience. "O dear" Sirson2 said, in awe at the *unique* planet they stood on, but it was a kind of awe that came from terribleness, not greatness. In the distance, could they spot two very tall volcanoes. Here it was a bit after sunrise, and so Sirson2 began his now defunct congregation's very short version of the Shemoneh Esrei. When he finished, "Let's look for money!", said Eoe, in excitement. "Ah, good ol' money huntin'!", he continued. "This place is crap...", Sirson2 said in a worse mood, whilst coughing. This place, too, had creepy vibes. There was no sign that any intelligent beings ever stood on this planet before, and even that any beings did, and there was no money. Eoe had given up searching for money, and was also bored. They scurried back into the ship, which was already covered in ash. The ship's computer booted to a program called Maps®. They found their next location, called "Chocolate Kingdom". They began heading toward there. "So what's with your name?", Sirson2 questioned Eoe. "It's just a name. Eoe can also mean 'hello'. 'Eoeeeo' means 'howdy', and 'Eoeeoeeooe oe ee o eeeoee oe ooe' also means 'hello'. Oh, well here we are at Chocolate Kingdom." "O my", Sirson2 said, also in awe. "Everything here is made of chocolate", Eoe explained, despite them clearly taking note of that. "Me munch", Sirson2 said, and thus began doing so. "Even the money is chocolate!", Eoe said in excitement again. Eoe, whilst finding money, said, "Wow! Hershy's Secret Delight Mega Edition!?! Oh my G-d! Ultra Twix Special!?! We'll be rich!!!" "I'm hungry. Gimme some Hershy's." "K." Eoe threw a hunk of the Hershy's Secret Delight Mega Edition at Sirson2. He ate it after saying the wrong bracha, and then began eating the chocolate ground.
CHAPTER 3: Chocolatey:
On this planet, many life-forms thrived, including the demon-worshipping cult, the Whoggeppeigui, pronounced Hah - Geh - Pee - Gi. Another prominent society around these parts is called the "Ruinous Deltahedra", composed of deltahedra that can ruin things. And who could forget the Church of Asher, composed of people who wholeheartedly (except for the leaders, of course) worship a woman named Asher, who supposedly died 2025 years ago, and whose divinity is disputed by historians, to say the least. "A gift shop!?!", Eoe exclaimed, with a very great smile. There it was by the horizon, "Chocolate Kingdom Souvenir Shop". "NO! DONT WASTE YOUR MONEY! WE-" said Sirson2, cut off by Eoe who said "Ooh! Hershey's fridge magnet!" "NOOOO!", said Sirson2 as he pulled Eoe away. It was too late, as Eoe had spent all their money on souveneirs, taking merely 15 seconds to do so. Sirson2 was extremely angry. "WHY!?!" "I mean they looked pretty cool. WOW! Mega Special M&M's! REESE'S BUCKS?!?" He had now collected all the money in sight. A machine nearby said "Press the button below to purchase souveneirs. $500 will be charged automatically." Eoe sprinted towards it, Sirson2 being tired and unable to catch up. "NO!!!" Sirson2 screamed. "YAY! Souveneirs!!" Eoe said happily. Sirson2 began crying. He began shivering too once he noticed that one of the ship's parts was broken. "We still have $500 from the money found on the ground", Eoe said. "YAYAYAY!" Sirson2 said so very happily. After searching a bit, they wandered upon a store that sold that very part. It costed $425. They then spent most of their money on it. Sirson2 was not happy about this, but at least they had the part they needed, and some money remained. He then saw a FREE AUTO PARTS GIVEAWAY establishment ran by a robot. It had the very part they needed. He asked the woman he bought the part from for a refund, but she said that refunds weren't allowed. Sirson2 began feeling scared again. He then told Eoe to distract the woman while he got the money back (and of course returned the part). He did not know that the Torah forbids this act, and Eoe distracted the woman by saying "So, what, um, uhhhhh, other parts do you, uh, carry? ... WAIT I GOTTA GO, BYE!" They then got the part from the robot and thanked it. It was not programmed to understand gratefulness, and this is unrelated, but, it was programmed all the way back in good ol' 5767! What a jolly time that year was! Suddenly a chick fell from the sky, no ship in sight. While Sirson2 barely cared, Eoe was very excited to nurture and own a chick. He ran over and hugged it, and said "I will call you... Chiccy!" "Oh no! We REALLY don't need that waste of space!" "How DARE you talk to CHICCY like that!?!" "I hate him. Now let's leave him here!" "HOW DARE YOU!!!" "Eoe, DROP THE STUPID CHICK. It will merely add another burden to our travels." "YOU BETTER THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAID!", Eoe said, storming off. Sirson2 groaned a most irritated groan. He did, however, follow Eoe's advice in contemplating his words. He began feeling remorse, though he still had the same sentiment toward Chiccy. He ran after Eoe. "My friend, I am indeed deeply sorry for my word choice! Please forgive me!" "Fine. I forgive you." They hugged. Sirson2 still somewhat openly showed his hatred toward Chiccy, but with little negative sentiment toward Eoe. Eoe and Sirson2 together began searching for more money. When they finished, they could not find Chiccy. Sirson2 was with Eoe, so he couldn'ta dunnit. "Oh dear!", Eoe moaned, looking at the vast and empty Chocolate Kingdom. They searched around the vicinity and after three minutes found Chiccy drinking from a chocolate pond, sad that he could not catch the fish. Eoe, after about 30 seconds of trying, caught a fish, and handed it to Chiccy. It ust jumped back into the pond. Sirson2 picked up another fish and spit it out; it was raw, though entirely made of chocolate. Eoe, throughout five minutes, caught six fish, and they brought 'em back to the ship to cook 'em, and gave one to Chiccy.
CHAPTER 4: Paradise:
After they reached the ship, Eoe asked Sirson2 if he wanted to play Grease Wiper. "What's Grease Wiper?" "A really good video game." The æther constantly flows over one of the ship's walls, and it represented the grease in Grease Wiper, in which the goal was to wipe the grease off, of course before it came back on again, as there is a nearly infinite supply of æther. Sirson2 never played video games, and found this incredibly enjoyable, although he would have enjoyed it even if he was already a gamer. "Y'know, this game was REALLY popular in Eeoeo in 5775." "Definitely did not know that." Grease Wiper has a competitive mode, and Eoe being much more accustomed to the game, even classifying himself as an expert, won. Sirson2 turned on the heat for the area that "grease" needed to be cleaned in Grease Wiper, and put the fish on, the æther acting now as oil. It was a delicious meal. They now began heading to "Buttle-Umm." "This journey will take long. I shall finally introduce you to my friend Shirty. Shirt, say hello... He can't talk." "Hello Shirty! Finally a fourth friend! ... I shall guess that this ship was manufactured between Adar and Elul 5775." "I am not sure. Let me check... WOW! Correct!" "See, I really know my ship models!" "Yep." After about an hour of little conversing, they arrived at Buttle-Umm. It was perhaps the closest to a tropical island that one could find in the galaxy. The smell of alien fruit and magnesium in the ocean, the not-too-intense sun- starlight made for a great vibe, and for a cool place to get sun- star-tanned. There were many plant-like organisms, most of which pink or purple. And of course, to Sirson2's fear, was a souveneir shop in the distance. Between them and the souveneir shop was much dirt, sand, and rocks. In a different direction was essentially a rainforest, although here it rained diamonds. In another direction was nothing but the magnesium-rich sea, and finally in another was mostly sandy beachland. There were few clouds in the sky, and surprisingly, the sky was blue, yet another reminder of Sirson2's planet. It was like the classic fantastical paradises common in Sirson2's culture, but real! "I found a stone worth $100", shouted Eoe excitedly. "WOW!", Sirson2 responded. "We should camp here", said Eoe. "I- I- I- THIS PLACE IS AMAZING!!!", Sirson2 said crying of joy, and being incredibly grateful to Hashem. He realized it was about noon, so he yet again recited the shortened Shemoneh Esrei. Much time had passed since anything interesting happened, and it was now dusk. Sirson2 still desired that Chiccy be dead. He also spotted the Eeoeo galaxy from where he stood, as Eoe pointed it out, being very familiar with the appearance of his own galaxy. Sirson2 spotted an unlit campfire. He lit it and they began conversing about not particularly fascinating topics. Sirson2 continued his plotting to kill Chiccy, at this point with a bit more ill-will toward Eoe himself. He had such intent to kill Chiccy that he did not let any thoughts that it might be forbidden by the Torah to occupy substantial space in his mind. While Eoe was money-hunting Sirson2 put Chiccy under a boulder. Eoe did not notice. "$500 dollars worth of stones already!", shouted Eoe. Sirson2 found a $25 rock. "Where's Chiccy?", Eoe asked, worried that he may have ran off. Sirson2 became frightened. Eoe was calling for Chiccy and then exploded in rage, saying "WHERE DID YOU PUT CHICCY?", in his most frightening and intimidating voice. Sirson2 was now shivering with fear. "F- F- F- FINE! UNDER THIS BOULDER!", he said, sprinting away as fast he could. Eoe was so angry looking that he looked nearly emotionless, although Sirson2 didn't look back to see. "HE'S ALIVE!!!" He began hugging, kissing, and praising Chiccy, while Sirson2 was still galloping into the distance. It was now night, and he could barely see a thing, although the fire was still lit. He, now exhausted, began slowly walking away. He had gone so far on the small planet that the campfire almost disappeared at the horizon. It took him a fair bit of time to return, and he was incredibly fearful of Eoe's retribution, but he knew the longer he would have been away, the worse he would have ruined their friendship. Tired and miserable did he return, Eoe paying no attention. He now began crying, and ran to Eoe, bowed, and chanted a statement of repentance. He hugged Eoe, and he said he now began liking Chiccy. Eoe surprisingly accepted the apology. After several boring hours of silence between the two, Sirson2 and Greenie approached Eoe wishing to host a party, a "party in paradise!" Thus they all kindled flames and danced about in the lovely mood the planet fostered, even Chiccy excited. Sirson2 was so happy that he threw various items, such as souveneirs, in the air, and ran about exclaiming how fine the island is. Sirson2 asked if Eoe, Greenie, and Shirty would enjoy living there. Eoe sadly said that the Leaf Police were probably still after them. In an amazing coincidence, the Leaf Police horn was heard soon after Eoe mentioned them. Sirson2 was so happy that it would take a lot more to make him unhappy. "EVERYONE GET IN THE SHIP! NOW!!!", Eoe screamed as emotionally as he could, and Sirson2, Eoe, Shirty, and Greenie all galloped comically toward the ship. As they were halfway out of the planet's atmosphere, Sirson2 realized they forgot Chiccy. He did not find him in the ship, and he checked really thoroughly. Eoe returned the ship to the surface and Sirson2 sprinted to look for Chiccy and spotted him quickly, got him, and took him into the ship. Soon they were completely out of the planet's atmosphere, and headed away at full speed.
CHAPTER 5: Here Be Demons:
Eoe chose Campanaria as the location to go to, which was in nearly the same direction as the Leaf Police, to confuse them, and to require them to rotate their huge, bulky ship. The Leaf Police were quite frustrated. "STOP!!", Sirson2 said, due to his gazing at a very surprising sight, that being his old friends, Johnboy and Butterick-Boy who also were green-pool-noodle-esque creatures. He let them in, introduced them, and told them a basic version of the story thus far. "Has been ages seen ya'!", Johnboy said happily. "Yep!", Added Butterick-Boy. "Praise be to G-d", said Sirson2, to which Johnboy and Butterick-Boy said "Amen!", and to which Eoe said "I told you that G-d is not here!" "The Torah tells us that he is everywhere", said Sirson2. "Well the Torah was written by men!" "One man, and he was a prophet!" They continued pointlessly arguing, mostly through the use of arguments by assertion. "Please, let us not talk about religion! By the way, I am a Kristian [sic].", Butterick-Boy said. "I am not Jewish, but follow Judaism", said Johnboy. "Silence!", Eoe shouted, adding "Religion is boring; let us follow G-d each in our own ways!" "Amen!", Butterick-Boy exclaimed. "G-d gave an instruction boo-", Johnboy began saying. "I too have begun tiring of this discussion", said Sirson2. "Well then, we shall cease.", said Johnboy. "Finally!", Eoe said, relieved. The Leaf Police gave up yet again, and like a leopard giving up mid-way through a hunting session, they put in too little effort to catch their prey, thereby wasting it, although they would have failed even if they continued. Now several things looking quite like dead leaves floated by their ship, and at this point Sirson2 and pals were quite close to Campanaria. These "dead leaves" were, in fact, demons. G-d was now delivering punishment on all of the members of the team for (some of) their sins by sending them to Campanaria. Now their ship began colliding with the planet's ring, which was composed of more demons. The vibe was becoming extremely eerie and spooky, although none of them except for Eoe had yet noticed that the "leaves" were demons. He said "Those are demons. If you get scared, the demons will possess you. Don't get scared." Fortunately, being told to not be scared is a lot easier than being told to not think of a spoon, and it was doable, though not at all easy. Sirson2 and his friends, besides Eoe, acknowledged that G-d was present and were thus able to remain calm. Eoe's calmness, however, was only due to his experience in being an intergalactic pirate, once even belonging to a prestigious pirate band ran by Captain Cooksworth, though Eoe realized it was a tad bit too wicked for his liking. Sirson2 had gone a long while before the previous day since he had experienced any sort of adventure, besides his approximately monthly "adventures" to buy ship-parts for his job. This day, though being very dreadful, was the best day of his life, and he began realizing this. Thanking his creator for the adventures is not what he did at the moment, as he had demons to worry about. They were now slowly and carefully descending to the surface of the medium-sized planet, of course Campanaria. The atmosphere was so bleak, dark, and awful, and it was hard to see (though there was nothing to see) due to all the demons. They, despite seeming as leaves, were quite scary, and despite having no faces, gave ominous grins toward the members of the ship. Sirson2 was now shedding several tears, though not giving into fear. Butterick-Boy and Johnboy were covering their vision (they do not have eyes) to avoid fear. As they got closer to the surface, the demons became more plentiful. This was a planet that had much æther on it, allowing our crew to swim on the surface. They could not see any geological features on what little of the planet they could see, obscured by fog and demons. There was literally nothing besides the demons. They floated like bits of ash falling from the sky. In fact, they could now smell ash, reminding them of ???. The ship now needed more fuel. There was much cold æther on the planet, and indeed, it was quite cold where they were. They scooped it up and put it in the ship, demons taunting them. A demon gently came upon Sirson2's nose. He shooed it away. A shadow appeared nearby. "Don't look at the shadow", said Eoe. It was now very slowly approaching them. Greenie and Shirty began being sucked out of the ship. Sirson2 grabbed them back in. More and more demonic phenomena began as they stayed on the planet. Everyone besides Eoe were on the brink of fear. "Me me", Eoe said, suspiciously. "What", Sirson2 asked. "Me me m m", Eoe said. "WHAT??", Sirson2 asked again, now knowing the answer. "I took Eoe out and threw him away.", Eoe's body stated. Sirson2 was angry. "I am a demon, idiot.", the demon possessing Eoe's body said, laughing with quite the smile. "You lose!", the demon said with a guffaw. "What have you done!?!", Sirson2 asked rhetorically. "I just told you, right?", the demon asked, also rhetorically. He continued: "Your anger fuels me!" Sirson2 attacked him, to no avail. "There is no way to defeat me!", the demon said, though this was a lie. "F#CK YOU!", Sirson2 said, while attacking Meee the demon, also quite foolishly. Meee was delighted that he was this foolish, letting out another guffaw. He then was horrified to realize that laughing weakened him. He quite idiotically admitted this aloud. Sirson2 said more stupid things. He attacked Meee more. Meee let out a sad laugh and Eoe replaced him. "Haha! I've defeated him!", Sirson2 said happily. "Sup", Blue Guy said as he appeared. He was the demon king, and only Eoe knew this; he did from reading the third edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which contains knowledge pertaining to many, many things from many, many galaxies. Chiccy floated out of the ship, though no-one noticed. "F#ck you, Blue Guy!", Sirson2 said. "Thanks", he responded as he came closer. He ate Chiccy. "NOOO! CHICCY!", Eoe said. Sirson2 began crying. Blue Guy shot Chiccy with immense power at Sirson2, knocking him down and bruising him. "Are you alright", asked Butterick-Boy. "Ow, ow, ow", Sirson2 responded. Sirson2 ran over to Blue Guy, picked him up with 70% of his might, and slammed him on the ground with immense force. The pain was already quite extreme. Sirson2 screamed many more mindless curse words. Eoe now stomped on Blue Guy. Blue Guy was crying. Sirson2 bit him. Eoe picked him up and began hitting the ground with him again. "Hold 'em still while I kick 'em!", Sirson2 said. "Alright.", Eoe agreed. Sirson2 vigorously kicked him. "I wanna try!", Eoe said. "Alright" Sirson2 stretched Blue Guy out. "RUN!", Eoe exclaimed. "WH- WHA-", Sirson2 said, panicking. Blue Guy picked Sirson2 and Eoe with two magically appearing limbs and sent them to opposite sides of the planet. He placed an invisible barrier between both sides and locked the ship with Greenie, Shirty, Chiccy, Johboy, and Butterick-Boy in it. They ran back to try to get to each other again. They took note of the barrier. Blue Guy was in Sirson2's hemisphere. Blue Guy saw him running toward him and began panicking. Sirson2 picked him up and threw him to the planet's middle. Blue Guy placed Sirson2 & Eoe together and removed the barrier. "LET'S TIE 'EM UP!", Sirson2 screamed. "YAY!", Eoe agreed. They did so and tossed him all the way into space after ripping off some of his flesh, stomping on him, stretching him, scratching his skin, biting him, and hitting him on the ground once more. Eoe, or perhaps merely his body, made a funnily mean face and growled a "RAAR!" "Oh dear!", Sirson2 said, knowing his friend had been possessed by some entity. "RAAR!" again did "Eoe" say. "Who the f#ck are you now?!?", Sirson2 asked impatiently, at this point without a milligram of fear. "MR. DUNGBARD!" Sirson2 was tired and did not want to have to be an exorcist again. "Eoe's gone, sh!t@ss!" "Nope", Sirson2 snarkily replied. "HE IS!" "Excited I am to beat your ass too!" "SURE!" "Seriously. Now f#ck off before I do what I did to Blue Guy again." "RAAR!" "No." "Eoe's in the Poop Dimension!" "And if you don't get him out I'll f#ck ya' up!" "SURE!" Sirson2 was quite surprised at his own fearlessness and snark, and Mr. Dungbard was trying desperately to be scary and intimidating, but merely made a fool out of himself. Sirson2 began choking him quite strongly. "RAA-" He was replaced by Eoe, who was now feeling neck pain. "WOW! The Poop Dimension WAS pretty cool!" "What?!" "There was a real party there but it got boring quick, so thanks for saving me!" "You're welcome!" "You know, Mr. Dungbard is the third most evil entity in existence, at least according to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!" "I gave him a real nice beating, that f#ck@ss!" "Yep!" "RAAR!" said "Sirson2." "Oh no", Eoe said with a sigh. "I'M MR. POOPOOASS!" "GET SIRSON2 THE F#CK OUT OF WHEREVER YOU PUT HIM!" "Nah, bro." Eoe had a nice long thinking session about how to defeat Mr. Poopooass without also hurting Sirson2. He finally came to the same idea as Sirson2, strangling! So thus strangling he commenced. "POO-" Sirson2 replaced Mr. Poopooass. "I was sent to the Peepee Dimension! Nice drinks they had there, though I forgot to say a bracha. But it got old real quick, just like how you described the Poop Dimension." "Mr. Poopooass possessed you." "I know. F#ck 'em!" "Amen!" said Eoe jokingly. "Let's get out of here so we don't have to deal with more 'entities!'" "Amen!" again did Eoe say jokingly. Sirson2 now had to say his (shortened) shemoneh esrei again. And thus did he. It was now at dark as it got in that region on the planet, as dark as it gets in some regions in Oeooe, Eoe's hometown, where the sun never sets. Eoe hadn't been there since two months ago, on Nisan 22. He is pretty much a nomad with a pseudo-residence. He doesn't have to pay taxes, so he can stay far away as long as he wants. Sirson2 simply doesn't pay his taxes, because the taxation isn't enforced. Recently he had a celebration of his 20,000Þ milestone. This placed him in the upper middle-class.
CHAPTER 6: A Journey Awaits:
They unlocked the ship and found Chiccy dead. Eoe and Sirson2 moaned and wailed, mourning. "I- I- I- I- DON'T KNOW IF I CAN LIVE LIKE THIS", Eoe cried. "YOU CAN!", Sirson2 exclaimed. He continued, "Let us keep Chiccy's body. His soul shall follow us." "YES. I-", Eoe said, now crying again. Eoe had never been sadder than he was now. He was contemplating suicide. There was a suicide device that floated down from space ten minutes prior. Deeply, he did understand that suicide was not the answer, but he did not let a rational thought enter his head. Eeoeo citizens live, on average, to 123 years. Eoe was only 24. All he could think about was Chiccy. "Goodbye... AND FAREWELL!", said he. "NOOOOO!!!", Sirson2 screamed, aching from fear of the impending suicide. In a second, Eoe's body smashed on the ground. His soul was now with Chiccy, but was still around. Sirson2, though he had not much fear of G-d, knew that he could not commit suicide. Eoe's voice said something: "OH! HELLO! I did not know that would get to be with you after death! Well, nice!" "IT I- IT IS YOU!!", Sirson2 cried. "Yep", Eoe said, and he continued, "I will guide you on your journeys. I have just been informed of a magical sword which has the power to destroy even souls, but also to resurrect them into bodies." "WHERE IS IT!?!", Sirson2 asked desperately. "Six galaxies away." "NOOOO!" "Unfortunately, yes." "Oh, oh, oh, oh NO!" "Yes." "Oh DEAR!" "Yesss." "This is so overwhelming!" "I know." "I am incredibly sorry for killing myself. Please forgive me." "Alright then..." "Thank you." "Yes." Sirson2 had only ever been to one galaxy beside his own. He yawned, preparing for his grand journey, to be physically accompanied only by a shirt and three pool-noodle-esque fellows. TO BE CONTINUED